One less adjective

Clumsy is one of those “ugly duckling” descriptors — things people use to describe kids when we “hope it’s a stage” or that they will “grow out of (or into)” something. Chubby. Plain. Shy. Quirky. Clumsy. I long ago realized that the Ugly Duckling story was itself bullshit, and yet I know I was both raised with and have also been guilty of this same bullshit attitude. Every time I stumbled as a kid, my Continue Reading →

When the Walls Closed In

Depression for me was not something I recognized until I was on the other side of it. Looking back, I can see when it started, although I still can’t quite sort out why, except for a general feeling of options being removed. In 2007 Shawn and I had what most married people refer to as “a rough patch” and what turned out to be foreshadowing. Long story short, I had started down the path of Continue Reading →

Slow Progress

A little over a month ago, I set myself the goal to try to be more positive — I even came up with a mantra “Be present, be patient, be calm, be open, be thankful, move on.” That worked on and off for a few days. I should have written it down and posted it around me: at work, near my laptop, and especially in the car. Initially Shawn was also pointing out when I was slipping, but Continue Reading →

Failing Up

Yesterday, I posted, glumly, that I had “failed all over the place” at being more positive but that I wasn’t going to beat myself up about it. I didn’t elaborate, and plenty of my friends weighed in with words of support. Thing is, I already knew it was a step in the right direction because I was more aware of my negative responses — even if I wasn’t catching them before I opened my mouth Continue Reading →

Would changing my outlook change me?

OK, that is probably a rhetorical question, but what I wonder is how would others react to a different version of me? What if the “new me” isn’t as funny or interesting? I shouldn’t care, but on some level I do. When I do something “out of character” Shawn will joke about checking for body-snatcher pods in the greenhouse or ask what the ransom is to return the “real Cheryl.” While I laugh it off, Continue Reading →