Right about now you might be asking, “What the hell is a Purpose Party?” Luckily, I’m about to tell you.
About 5 months ago (sometime in early December) a few of us started commiserating over the fact that our lives were not where we expected to be at our age (mid 30s to mid 40s). The word that kept coming up was “purpose” — something more than a career, more than a paycheque; something that included an idea of “why are we here?” without getting too existential. We joked that we should host a Purpose Party on New Year’s Day to sort it all out.
That didn’t happen but the idea didn’t die. Instead, we kept talking it over — back and forth by email, through a FB group (hey, we found a valid use for the new Groups feature) and with a couple of face-to-face meetings. Within a couple of weeks in January, a half dozen of us (those most committed to the idea) hashed out some ground rules:
- we wanted to be able to help each other through the “sorting it out” stage
- we recognized that for all of us to be able to take part, we needed a facilitator
- with that came the need to talk about booking a space (somewhere neutral — not our living room)
- next we had to face the issue of cost — how much could we bear (both justify and actually afford) as we are all in different places financially
We left that meeting with two Action Items: a list of spaces to rent and a choice of facilitators plus price ranges for each. It became clear that we needed someone with life coaching skills more than just someone who could moderate a meeting and steer discussions. At our next meeting we shortlisted candidates and looked at possible dates in April. We also spoke openly about what we each wanted out of the experience — what we called “nailing Jell-O® to the wall” because it’s a moving target in a lot of ways.
Sometime in early March things fell into place. We made a final decision on a facilitator, Bruce Elkin, and serendipitously, our first choice for a location, Sleeping Dog Farm, had a weekend available in the Guest House that matched everyone’s schedule. Along the way we even brought one more participant into the party!
Last week we sorted out who was bringing what — food, coffee, and other supplies as needed — and Bruce assigned us some reading to finish. Interestingly, several of us, independently, almost pulled the plug at various points leading up to Saturday morning for various reasons, some of which became clear over the course of the weekend. However, we all made it there (and I made sure to congratulate the group on doing that — I am genuinely impressed with and proud of our accomplishment).
The format of the weekend was based on Bruce’s coaching programs and books; he supplied us readings and a workbook and he guided us step by step through a framework based on creating (building/growing) rather than problem-solving (repairing/patching) that helps to build momentum and complete goals. Saturday was hard work. There was a lot to take in, a lot to consider, and as one of the other participants said “that was no party!” — but we all came back this morning.
Today was a little less intense but Bruce still managed to move us all along to where he felt we needed to be at the end of the session. Remember that assignment yesterday, to create something? Turns out, it served a dual purpose. The first was to help us to apply the framework we’d been shown on a very small scale. The second was more interesting; he had us put our creations on a table away from where we were sitting — he didn’t let us do the “show and tell” that we were expecting. He used the exercise to illustrate that the creations were separate from their creators and it turned out to be a very powerful teaching moment for me. At the end of the day, Bruce also gave us an outline for the “next step” — something we can use when we next meet as a group without his help in order to coach one another.
So. Do I suddenly know what I want to do with my life? Sort of. What I have is a couple of lists — one of goals (short term, medium term and long term) and one of things that bring me joy (not far off from my 100 things that make me happy list) — and a good idea of where those overlap plus the framework. In the coming weeks I will be considering, revisiting and discussing goals within the group until I can see where the goals can support one another and where they meet the overlap because I think that’s where I will see the bigger purpose. My biggest initial challenge is going to be weeding out all the “should do” goals — or at least figuring out why they keep sitting there on my list making me feel guilty and annoyed.
Purpose Party Part Two is going to be the peer-coaching. Part Three will be the actual doing; putting the framework to the test and moving forward. After that, with any luck, the sky will be the limit. Here’s to the next steps.
Most impressive. Just getting this initiative going was an accomplishment.
Cheryl and Mike – this is really twanging a nerve with me. I’m a bit older than you guys and this is certainly something that I am struggling with. What occurred to me when I read both of your posts is what prompted you to approach this as a group – was it a financial consideration (i.e. cheaper to split the cost of coaching among several people), a belief that group synergy would lead to a better outcome or just a natural outgrowth of chatting about it with friends.
I am single and most of my friends are at such a different place in their lives to me (in terms of age, situation and lifestyle) that I can’t imagine a group thing working for me unless I advertised and found a new group. Which isn’t such a bad idea.
I will follow your progress with great interest – how exciting and bravo to you guys for doing it early (as in terms of your age). Especially as parents – surely it must be much healthier for kids to have parents with purpose
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Star — thanks, I think so too.
Susan — we approached it as a group because we started with the goal of peer support. We initially thought we could do it all ourselves but eventually realized we’d need outside help. Most of us have also known each other at least 10 years — many of us longer than that (two were friends from birth by way of their mothers’ friendship) — and it was just happenstance that at one gathering we all started talking about the same issues.